I won’t lie that being back at university has been tough. I’ve been feeling unwell for the past week – I missed my introductory lectures and I’ve been bedridden for the past week, with little motivation to do anything but stay in bed. I genuinely believe that I have a poor immune system which is why whenever I’m in Wolverhampton, I happen to fall ill easily.
But that’s something of the past, I’m all better again and back to my normal and lazy self. I say lazy but I’ve managed to catch up with my work and reading – I can even manage to cook myself some dinner since I couldn’t stomach any dinner whatsoever last week.
I did have a mental breakdown (or an epiphany) last night. Although I’m not one to always dwell on things, I’m the type of person to acknowledge that something’s wrong and either ignore it or deal with it – I chose to do neither. In fact, I just sort of sat up in bed, contemplating what to do because I’m clueless as to how to handle how I feel at this point. I wouldn’t say that I’ve lost ‘hope’ but I don’t feel that the time and effort that I put into other people is being reciprocated, which makes me feel not good enough.
Everyone has a fear of not feeling good enough but I wonder how many people dawn on that thought every day. I feel for those who do. People try so hard in order to be liked, to make friends etc but in reality, no one should ever have to try so hard to prove their self-worth. The people in your life should acknowledge that your time and efforts are precious and they want you in their life – not because they need you but because they want you.
Sorry, it’s a bit of a sad blog post. I will try to remain positive, the only exciting thing happening to me this week is that Hayden is visiting me (finally)! I’m also not having the best nights sleep since I’ve been back because my pillows have become uncomfortable – it probably factors in why I’m being sad lately and it doesn’t help that I’ve been contained in my room for the past week because I’ve been so ill.
Oh well. Tomorrows a new day and tomorrow is when I go back to my lectures, that’ll give me something to do. At least I’ll finally be productive this week 🙂
Speak again soon,